Updated: Mar 11
"Peace is our gift to each other."
Is there a purpose to venting?
This is a question I have been considering. I've asked some mentors, friends, and family their thoughts on this, and pretty much the consensus is, "yes". Some say it is helpful if limited to just a few minutes and others say we just need to "get it all out".
After many venting long sessions myself, I'm leaning to a somewhat different approach. The times I have tried to limit my venting to a few minutes when speaking to another person, I've felt incomplete and unheard. The times I've gone on and on venting to another person, the painful energy has grown stronger and more painful, not less. I probably also annoyed the crap out of the listener.
The times I've gone on and on venting to another person, the painful energy has grown stronger and more painful, not less. I probably also annoyed the crap out of the listener.
My new venting method:
I have been trying out this venting method I have created for myself. When I do these steps, I typically don't have any need to vent to anyone else (typically my husband) about the situation. My husband is loving my new process! Full disclosure, I still don't do this method after every trigger and I do catch myself still venting on and on at times. I am still a work in progress and always will be!
When I feel the initial trigger coming on, I take a couple of deep breaths and pause. Example: My sister asks me a question in which I perceive as her "making me wrong."
Name out loud or in my head, what feelings or sensations are present. Example: I am feeling shaky, hurt, pissed. (download feelings list)
Name out loud or in my head, what needs are present. Example: I want acceptance, support, understanding, and love. (download needs list)
I play the GROK game with myself. Below is a video showing how I do this.
I write out the findings that came up during the GROK game in a journal. Example: When I think about my sister saying XYZ, I feel hurt because I am really wanting acceptance and support.
If I still have residual energy or am desiring another perspective, I then may vent to another person. While I am venting to the other person, I want to try to hear the needs coming-up within me during my venting. Venting can make the energy more intense if you don't listen to the needs.
I know this method seems super long and sometimes we desire to just word vomit instead. I am finding though that I am feeling more at peace when I do this method and I am annoying those around me less.